They were there for me in a way no one else could be in that moment. Angels from heaven may wear robes of white, but the Holy Spirit sometimes hides himself in khakis and polos, sometimes in humble threads on the corner asking for money, sometimes on the trailing notes of a song on the radio, and in gifts of money and McDonald's and fixed cars two weeks before Christmas.
And each Christmas in succession teaches me this:
From the success of the hidden birth of the mightiest King on Earth ever in existence we can deduce that the most helpless have an honored place in the kingdom of God. And that though others would see dirty animals and straw, we know that there is peace and safety in the glory that shines upon the hay.
I work and create and drive and care and love just as hard as I possibly can, but find in the end I can be one of the most helpless. And He says, "You don't have to be anything more than what I've made you to be. Already you are my creation."
I have prayed and prayed and prayed for one thing for Christmas for my boys. Many Christmases I have prayed. These prayers seemed to move so slow, like... driftwood in a lazy river -- water getting into the holes and weighing down the dreams, to what seemed like, beyond hope, beyond finances, beyond my means -- slowing down to an eternity the wait for what I've wanted for so long.
But this year God answered my prayers in a way that could only be Him. And though I'd only asked for one, He gave me two.
.
I kneel down and praise the God that gives me the desires of my heart because I delight in Him. His mightiness right now is in the tears that fall down my face. He is reminding me, once again, that His purpose will come to fruition, and that He has entrusted to me three of His children for a reason.
Special thanks to Chris Alvarado of Driftwood Guitars for making our Christmas a most memorable one, and for being the worker in answer to my driftwood prayers.
Also, thank you to the many good people at the Worship on the Water Church at the Flora-Bama for helping me stay on the road, and for the many gifts that will help my boys' eyes light up this Christmas morning.
My love to all of you. May God richly bless to your lives a hundred fold, and may your spirits Float this Christmas season.
Merry Christmas.
.
The truth is I listen to the married woman write and I believe everything I see because I know it's anointed. But I still have to turn off the television sometime and fall asleep in silence in an empty bed. I just can't get comfortable and I can't keep my legs and my mind still, so I turn the light back on and look for something to fill the void. Where are all of my single mamas? It's time to call roll.
"Here!"
My kids are asleep and it's quiet here. I've had my glass of water and my midnight snack -- Corn Pops, but the bowl is empty. The dishwasher cycle is done and the clothes dryer has stopped. Surely there is one more thing I need to do before I drop off to sleep, like watch one more rerun of Friends and get one more laugh in. Did I get my 10 minutes of sunshine? Did I exercise today? Did I talk to a friend and remind myself that I have a support system? I'll check facebook one more time.
Did I take it to God when I thought about him again?
I ran for a while in the park, but the thoughts were hiding under my pillowcase tonight. And I hear Him:
"Why do you reach for the memories of your pain?"
I come again and again to this altar, head hanging, tears falling into the dust on a pretty blue Bible that calls out to me in this Holy telepathy. I wish it away, saying, "I'm not going to understand anyway" and I see the amused smile in the eyes of Good God. And I scream at Him, "Why are you keeping me from what I need? Where is the man for me?" And He says, ...
"...You are the only one keeping yourself from arms that long to hold you."
"Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on
And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go
When you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will
And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands
When you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be heldLift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go"
I nestle my legs under the covers and turn off the light waiting for my eyes to close, and I resist the urge to conjure the eyes I love that hurt me, and I look instead for the Light in the eyes that died for me. The Lover of my soul is here, the arms that go through skin.
Casting Crowns: Just Be Held
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIZitK6_IMQ
