The weather changes and the birds get quiet. Holding onto the past is like holding onto the always-changing weather, or like a songwriting acquaintance of mine, Joe Doyle, said (in one of the many great songs he has written,) "...it's like trying to put smoke back in this cigarette." Like a history book of which I can make note, but in which I must not live, my past is a teacher. There was much good, and there was bad. There was desperation, validation, perversion, sweet purity... but of all of the evil in the world, even stronger is the greatest of everything else: love. And I know of love, because here I stand.
Regarding the battle in the mind when fear and jealousy try to control and overtake good with manipulative plans and the desire to subdue another....oh, that the battle is lost, because my eyes are open to a light shining around him, and around her. Would that we all rather help, than hurt.
I am reminded of the movie, "The Neverending Story" when the horse Artax is stuck in the quicksand in the Swamp of Sadness. The horse's strong, powerful, and agile legs were useless without the desire. And that desire sometimes comes from knowing there is something that makes everything worth the effort.
Is getting out of the muck something I can accomplish alone? No. I notice that I've an inborn desire to need arms... but it is God's arms that I feel when there is no one else to be found. It is His arms that I feel each time my heart remembers that I'm not doing so good inside without Him. Bitterness is not going to win if I am mindful of Him. He will not forget me. When everything and everyone else around me fails, and I become disappointed in a life that may not be working out like I'd hoped and planned, He reminds me it's because He already has a plan.
He already made me for a specific purpose. There are specific needs people have that I can meet right now, that I will be enough for. And when I seek to know what it is I am reminded. I don't go through the motions of an empty "religion", but I live an alternative choice, choosing love, choosing joy, choosing truth, choosing pureness in my work over instant self-gratification.
Oh, I pray to inhale peace and exhale joy, and it comes. My breath is like snowflakes, and I inhale His Spirit as deeply as I can, and know that He is God. And I tell Him,
"You are my God, my Healer, and Provider. You touch the hurt places of my heart and bring me wisdom and understanding, forgiveness and grace for my mistakes and purposeful acts I've done that defy good--forgiveness and grace for others that weren't good to me, or couldn't do what they said they would. You give me calm faith, and immortal hope. You enter the places in me that human eyes cannot see. With You in my heart the deep cut feels like only a sting, and simple delights make me soar!"
In a world that knows how to battle with fingernails and swords, I can do battle with kisses and hugs, kindness, and a willingness to listen when the rest of the world can't be bothered. When I feel anger to retaliate, I can surrender to the love of Christ, and follow His directions to give grace or turn the other cheek. Love is that incarnate of the Holy Spirit, of the heart and soul of Jesus. And He can flow through my hands any time I desire Him, when I reach, in that moment. I quash any ill desire because I do not want to add to the quagmire that this world is becoming. Do I cling to religion? No. I cling to a Holy Ghost that goes through my skin and inside of me, giving to me like I've never been given to before. This is my testimony.
Here's that he turns toward that person, looks her in the eyes, holds her face in his hands, and gives what she needs: this husband for his wife who does things hoping it will bring her a smile, working until his back aches to provide for her; this wife that gives to her husband daily, sacrificing her own desires to make his days more pleasant by filling whatever need he has; this parent for the child, sacrificing his or her own desires to care for the wellbeing of their offspring, providing ways to delight them and engage their minds, teaching them even in tiredness; this brother for his sister, leaving his endeavors of the moment to protect her from harm; these friends reminding each other that they are available to help in any circumstances that arise; this God for you and me, daily doing all of these things whether we are open enough to notice or not. He reminds us that our purpose is not only our delight in His creation, or our own discoveries and observations, but also in our work for others. That we obtain peace in our appreciation, but obtain love only with Him, with others. Daily. That He gave us eyes not just to witness the glory of the morning, or to see the colors of the sunset, but to see that others are smiling or crying. He gave us ears to hear oceans and rain, and laughter and wails.
These birds get quiet because they are getting warm in the cooler weather. I prepare my space for change in this new season that God brings to my life. I know not whether it will storm or snow, or be the mildest winter of my life so far... but everything I need is at my disposal to minister to another in the Swamp of Sadness... because I reach for God and God is the only one strong enough to pull anyone out. He has pulled me out this morning, already. Time to start walking. Where are the faces for my hands?
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